The Life and Death of Tom Dandy

Tom gives up.

Tom Dandy — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 10:00:20 +0000

The End.

Long Gone Lonesome Blues.

Tom Dandy — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 13:40:32 +0000

Why does God hate me?

I wonder what it’s like to be happy and in love with the world. It must be wonderful.
I’m so jealous. To see more beauty in happiness than pain. I wonder what that’s like.

I’m gonna find me a river, one that’s cold as ice.
And when I find me that river, Lord I’m gonna pay the price, Oh Lord!
I’m goin’ down in it three times, but Lord I’m only comin up twice.
-Hank Williams Sr.

Well… I hear my Scotch calling, but I’ve made a promise. :(
How can someone smile so much? What if you could feel the pain of the world and smile at its silly idiosyncracies too? I wonder what that’s like.

How can she do it? Does she do it? How can they do it? What are they thinking?
Do they not feel overwhelmed by pain? They must feel something else…

and I wonder what that’s like.
-Tom Dandy

Anxiety

Tom Dandy — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 08:08:26 +0000

You know what I do when the anxiety gets real bad? Because, it gets pretty bad.
I tell myself, “It’s ok, I’ll just kill myself, so it’s alright.”.
I do it to reassure myself that, in the event that something bad happens, I still have an out. Usually, anxiety kicks in when I’m about to start a conversation with a person, or when I’m about to read a moderately important e-mail, but sometimes I get the anxiety even when a friends about to start a conversation with someone and I’m just along for the ride. It’s one reason I despise phone calls. Anxiety levels peak right before I make a phone call. It hurts, basically a bunch of pointless mental anguish. There are times when I would rather pay someone $20 to ask a cashier a question so that I don’t have to.
But sometimes my little phrase helps me calm down.
“It’s ok, I’ll just kill myself, so it’s alright.”

Sometimes I think that if I didn’t have this social handicap I would be rich, famous, and surrounded by beautiful women, but, alas, my anxiety is like a broken kneecap. Once it hits, I just have to lie down, or crawl. There are no other options.
I know I have potential to be something great to the world, but I will never reach that potential. I just don’t have the guts. Once things start getting hot, I hit the ground; Stop, Drop, Roll. I might not even be on fire. There might not even be a fire. But if it burns, it burns, whether it’s your body or your brain.

Enough of this rambling.
The world is messy, shitty, and hopeless.
“But it’s ok, I’ll just kill myself, so it’s alright.”
-Tom Dandy

Thank you very much.

Tom Dandy — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 18:47:02 +0000

Well, I don’t have proof that there is a god, just that he hates me.
-Tom Dandy

Go Fuck a Bomb.

Tom Dandy — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 01:57:38 +0000

I’m so bored with my life… does anyone else long to call all their “loved ones” in an attempt to ruin whatever amiable relationships you may have left?
I do.

I hate everything. I don’t even want alcohol now; now I just want to die. Blegh.
Sucks to life.
Sucks to brains.
Sucks to humanity.

You can all go fuck a bomb.
-Tom Dandy

Who? WHO?

Tom Dandy — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 17:22:46 +0000

For Fucks Sake!
“Mentally Ill”, “mentally ill”, “Mentally ill”!!!!!

Who the fuck says we’re mentally ill?
Who?
Who?

Psychiatrists? Ask a psychiatrist about neuroscience. Have him explain to you exactly what chemicals run through what parts of the brain and what reactions those chemicals have. Now ask him what happens if you alter some of the chemicals.

I’ll bet you every psychiatrist gives you a significantly different answer by the end of your little conversation. Why? Because neuroscientists (the guys who actually study the chemical/biological layout of our brains) know shit about our brains.
Sure, they know more than most people. But what’s that saying? Not very much.

In the course of human history, actually looking at the brain while it’s working, is a fairly recent development. I’m sick of hearing this term “mental illness” tossed about like it’s the word of God. Well, I’ve got news: It’s not.

Now, I firmly believe that the brain can get “sick”. It happens. Every part of your body can “get sick”, so why not your brain?
But should it be “mentall illness” if your brain has been consistent for the majority of your life? What if there were no special event to make you “crazy”, or “depressed”, and you just were? What if your brain never went from “healthy” to “crazy”? What if it’s always been “crazy”?
Who’s to say your brain is actually “ill”?
Seriously, answer it.
Who?
-Tom Dandy

p.s. – I may feel depressed on alcohol, but then, at least, it seems alright.

Brain Blankets.

Tom Dandy — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 06:35:39 +0000

Depression onset.

Need alcohol.
Have none.

You know what I want.
-Tom Dandy

Confused and Amused.

Tom Dandy — Fri, 09 Mar 2007 17:03:46 +0000

I am amazed at how many people search the term “I shot myself”.
I get hits from that search almost everyday because of this post.
There have been plenty of days where I’ve gotten 5 or more hits from that exact search term, and there are some days where I even get hit by searches for “I shot myself in the head”. And, of course, there are a few different variations of these searches hitting me occasionally.
It’s weird.

I was bored, so I thought I’d just share some of my amusement.

What are these people doing to themselves?
-Tom Dandy

I call Bullshit.

Tom Dandy — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 04:55:49 +0000

Here’s a good article you should read. And I agree with it, for the most part.
What? you ask? What do you mean, “for the most part”?
Well..
Diagnosis? Fine.
Medication and therapy? Fine.
Technical Term, “Mentall Illness”? Not fine.

Where do we draw the line between “mentally ill” and “fine”?
There will have to be a lot more research done before that question gets an answer. We (humans) know very little about the brain and its chemistry — even at this point in time; do your research and then see all of the questions you’ll have. So who says hearing voices makes you “sick”? Who says being Bipolar needs to be “fixed”? Who says depression is “unhealthy”?

Indeed, it seems to me that being “normal” is rather unhealthy. “Normal” people have a hard time empathizing, “normal” people have a hard time with inspiration and art… wait a minute… what is “normal”? Is it a pattern of chemicals in your brain? Is it how you act around others?
What is “normal”?
What is “mentally ill”?

All I know is that God himself (whatever abstract concept he may be) has never made any technical distinction between the two.

So fuck “Mental Illness”. It’s just “Neurotypical” propaganda as far as I’m concerned. When God himself tells me I’m “sick in the head” then I’ll believe it. Until then, I just have to believe I am who I am, and I’m not gonna change it (whether it kills me or not).

There is just not enough scientific evidence to support the theory that I derserve the label – “mentally ill”, only the label – “different”.
-Tom Dandy

Monster

Tom Dandy — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 22:32:06 +0000

I found this in my ”Drafts” section. Apparently I made it during one of my drunken bouts in the past week. So here it is for your blogging pleasures, another Drunken rant by yours truly:

Nobody loves me, everybody hates me,
guess I’ll go eat worms!
big fat jucy ones….

ah fuck, I”m drunk.
I’ll paysomeoen a hundred dollars to kil me.

just fuck’n kill me.

God damnti.

no none loves me right.

I’m sorru uou